All composed by myself......
The Centre
you think you have mastered it
gotten on top of it,
for it to never overwhelm you again,
it takes but one action, one deed for all those emotions to come to the surface
they send you off balance and you lose your centre
that centre that is so powerful,
that can overcome anything
it comes from within and it is powerful that centre,
it needs love and devotion,
care and concern,
it needs quiet forgiveness
not harsh words spoken,
it deserves a serene place, a gentle hand
a loving touch a warm soft spot to land,
if you treat it right that centre becomes so powerful that no man, no woman,
no emotion, no deed, no words harshly spoken, no hurt or malice
can over power that centre,
that centre is your heart, is your soul,
is you fight, is you determination
is the reason for you being not for someone else but for yourself,
it is self love, self arewarenesss, self devotion and care.
It is your reason for being its is your reason you can give your self so unconditionally to anyone else
when you conquer the reasons your centre is unbalaced
then you have conquered the world
Moments
what do you call your moment,
the day you graduated school
your first boyfriend
your first real kiss
the day you started your first job,
when he got down on one knee
the day you walked down the isle,
the first cry of your little one
is a moment about what we do or how we do it?
is it about spirit and soaring to our highest moment?
is it about strength and determination and fight?
Is it about the people that share that moment with you
and love that you feel for them?
is the moment your beginning or your end.
No matter the moment, cherish it good or bad
edure it with commitment and zest
over come it with love and devotion
but never let that moment slip by without learning from it.
the day you graduated school
your first boyfriend
your first real kiss
the day you started your first job,
when he got down on one knee
the day you walked down the isle,
the first cry of your little one
is a moment about what we do or how we do it?
is it about spirit and soaring to our highest moment?
is it about strength and determination and fight?
Is it about the people that share that moment with you
and love that you feel for them?
is the moment your beginning or your end.
No matter the moment, cherish it good or bad
edure it with commitment and zest
over come it with love and devotion
but never let that moment slip by without learning from it.
Never Alone
Every day I see your photo
I stop to shed a tear.
I know you want me happy
but It's hard with you not near.
I gather the strength
each and every day
to live in this world
sometimes I don't want to stay
I think about the memories
and I hold them close to my heart
Your laughter, your smile
your touch
it's like we've never been apart
The thing that keeps me going
Is just how precious I amto you.
I know you know all to well
when I'm feeling alone and blue
coz I can feel your arms around me
comforting me when I fell lost
knowing that your far away
and all I have to do is pray.
I am grateful for those years together
selfishly eternity wouldn't of been enough
but I know you want me to live as you did
with no fear, happiness and determined fight
so when I'm feeling really low
I listen to your music
I find it brings me closer to you
especially those gorgeous lyrics
I know your watching over me
until I am called home
until then my love
i'll make you proud
and remember i'm never really alone
The journey is long, the lessons seem lost
let me shine a light on what you could miss.
You learn about the people you can rely on
You learn more resilience than you ever thought possible.
you learn to laugh through the tears and struggle together through the pain.
You understand just how fragile life is and never forget to tell someone how much you
love them
You know that the journey may not have the outcome you desire, but travelling it with the
people you love lessens the burdon
You realise to trust in yourself, to not go to bed mad and to make the most of the joy
that comes your way.
You look back and know the lessons you have learnt have come from an almost impossible
place.
You find strength you never thought you had, you find peace in the smallest of things,
you find comfort in the arms of people who stick by you.
Strength comes in numbers, love comes from the depth of our soul and laughter comes from
the happiness of not missing the small things
even though the lessons are lost now.....one day it will all make sense
let me shine a light on what you could miss.
You learn about the people you can rely on
You learn more resilience than you ever thought possible.
you learn to laugh through the tears and struggle together through the pain.
You understand just how fragile life is and never forget to tell someone how much you
love them
You know that the journey may not have the outcome you desire, but travelling it with the
people you love lessens the burdon
You realise to trust in yourself, to not go to bed mad and to make the most of the joy
that comes your way.
You look back and know the lessons you have learnt have come from an almost impossible
place.
You find strength you never thought you had, you find peace in the smallest of things,
you find comfort in the arms of people who stick by you.
Strength comes in numbers, love comes from the depth of our soul and laughter comes from
the happiness of not missing the small things
even though the lessons are lost now.....one day it will all make sense
better than you!
My issue. I have never ever been good enough for anyone, so I work and go fucking overboard to show people the care and the love and affection I have always missed out on. I trust people even when I don't know them, because all my life I have put other peoples happiness before my own. Fuck I don't even know who the hell I am. I do for people coz I care and in the last 3 months I have been slapped in the face, spat on and peed on by people who have used me and it almost made me stop being the person I am.
See that is the part of me I like, the fact I can look back on my life and instead of drugs, alcohol or suicide I decided I wanted to stop and heal people from what I have gone through.
the side I detest of me, is that I let myself be used and that it sucks all my self esteem and self worth when I don't leave enough for myself!!!
So with my counsellors help I will learn I am better than you because I care and i don't let go of people who really need support.
I am better than you because one day I will learn to love myself and be at ease with myself that your feelings about be won't matter.
I am better than you, because I have acted solely in good conscience.
I am better than you because I can just give enough to others without letting the life being sucked away from me
I am better than you, because I am honest, just not with myself (so therefore still honest)
I am better than you because I can admit my flaws and I am learning about how to deal with them
I am better than you because I will never ever speak a harsh word to another person in case they are sitting on the edge like I have been and luckily I had enough inner strength to stop me from being a coward and not living this life
I am better than you because one day I will believe in me
To the people who wiped their shoes on me over the last 34 years.
I am taking my mat back, cleaning it and keeping it inside and only letting those who wipe their feet on the way in to support care and love and very rarely will I see outgoing footprints as those people will be worthy of my love care and support!!!!!
Depression takes so many lives every day, Saddest thing is you all knew about my depression and went ahead with your hurt.
Im a Survivor.......thats why I am better than you!!!
My Promise
My promise to you is to live as you have.
to love without judgement.
to care without a forethought.
To give patience and attention to the people I meet.
To walk in the sand and pick up shells.
To camp under the stars feeling the night air on my skin.
I promise to enjoy my life as you have yours. To learn to not have regrets
to live each day fullfilled and at ease.
I promise to learn tolerance, to laugh at myself.
To protect my family. To see see bump in the road and see it as a challenge not a downfall
I promise to teach my babies about the stars.
I promise you both I will care for myself and look after myself.
I promise to look after my mumma, in the way you asked me too.
I promise to keep making you proud
I promise to one day make myself proud of me.
to love without judgement.
to care without a forethought.
To give patience and attention to the people I meet.
To walk in the sand and pick up shells.
To camp under the stars feeling the night air on my skin.
I promise to enjoy my life as you have yours. To learn to not have regrets
to live each day fullfilled and at ease.
I promise to learn tolerance, to laugh at myself.
To protect my family. To see see bump in the road and see it as a challenge not a downfall
I promise to teach my babies about the stars.
I promise you both I will care for myself and look after myself.
I promise to look after my mumma, in the way you asked me too.
I promise to keep making you proud
I promise to one day make myself proud of me.
Nanny and Poppy
we don't say goodbye
we say see you soon.
You are both resting, peacefully watching over your family.
love transends time. I can almost feel your touch gently on my shoulders.
I miss you more than I ever thought was possible.
You both took a piece of my heart when you left and now how do I fill that empty void.
I hear you saying god love ya. I want to feel your arms around me so much it hurts.
Standing on pedastals since the day I was born. I adore you both.
Life is not the same without you in it. The sun isnt shinning as fierce, the breath of the air doesnt feel
as comforting as it once did.
You both taught me so much. I will honour those teachings in the way I bring up your great grand babies. Neither one of you were ready to leave but both of you needed to be together.
As a single tear falls down my face, I need the world to stand still while I catch my breath and know the reality you are both gone, never forgotten, always much adored, forever in my heart.
we say see you soon.
You are both resting, peacefully watching over your family.
love transends time. I can almost feel your touch gently on my shoulders.
I miss you more than I ever thought was possible.
You both took a piece of my heart when you left and now how do I fill that empty void.
I hear you saying god love ya. I want to feel your arms around me so much it hurts.
Standing on pedastals since the day I was born. I adore you both.
Life is not the same without you in it. The sun isnt shinning as fierce, the breath of the air doesnt feel
as comforting as it once did.
You both taught me so much. I will honour those teachings in the way I bring up your great grand babies. Neither one of you were ready to leave but both of you needed to be together.
As a single tear falls down my face, I need the world to stand still while I catch my breath and know the reality you are both gone, never forgotten, always much adored, forever in my heart.
Here I stand. Arms open wide
taking that step forward.
opening my heart to belonging
loving, caring nurturing
The seed has been planted
I am watching myself grow.
That insecure little girl
hiding from shadows a tear in her eye
I hold my insecurities thinking they keep me safe.
the walls I build forgo the light for me to bask .
Each brick a sign of me reeling back into a hopeless shell
As i pick at the bricks each ray of light feels warm
conforted in the gentle breeze as it dances through my hair.
watering the seed with the pure rain.
Still holding on but willing to slowly let the barriers down
one by one I conquer.
I feel butterflies in my tummy. nerves no, a budding freedom
I didn't realise existed.
As You guide me, more light shines in. letting go becomes easier
hope becomes deeper
contentness becomes possible.
That seed lies within me, needing to be protected and nurtured.
taking that step forward.
opening my heart to belonging
loving, caring nurturing
The seed has been planted
I am watching myself grow.
That insecure little girl
hiding from shadows a tear in her eye
I hold my insecurities thinking they keep me safe.
the walls I build forgo the light for me to bask .
Each brick a sign of me reeling back into a hopeless shell
As i pick at the bricks each ray of light feels warm
conforted in the gentle breeze as it dances through my hair.
watering the seed with the pure rain.
Still holding on but willing to slowly let the barriers down
one by one I conquer.
I feel butterflies in my tummy. nerves no, a budding freedom
I didn't realise existed.
As You guide me, more light shines in. letting go becomes easier
hope becomes deeper
contentness becomes possible.
That seed lies within me, needing to be protected and nurtured.
He deserves
he deserves patience
he deserves understanding, repeating instructions as many times as needed
he deserves comfort, rather than being yelled out for not controlling his own behaviour,
He deserves praise in adversity
he deserves understanding through a foreign world
He deserves unconditional love and support,
He deserves for me to learn the world from his point of view
What He deserves………is never ending
he deserves understanding, repeating instructions as many times as needed
he deserves comfort, rather than being yelled out for not controlling his own behaviour,
He deserves praise in adversity
he deserves understanding through a foreign world
He deserves unconditional love and support,
He deserves for me to learn the world from his point of view
What He deserves………is never ending
You are not here in person but always in spirit,
You allow me to be me and i love that about you.
There are no expectations in that there is so much freedom.
There are no apologies needed or wanted. Its just ok
I feel your helping hand, even when your miles away.
I hear your voice offering support even though I don't always know what you sound like.
You are faithful and honest and loyal.
You have unwavering dedication and I am so proud of that.
Sometimes it is a hard job with little reward and you brush it off and take it in your stride,
You make me feel light on the heaviest of days, You make me laugh through the endless tears
You crack me up with your wit and sarcasm.
You are strong, confidant, defiant through adversity, loving and caring and independant.
All that you are somehow rubs off on me and I am so blessed for that.
I get wrapped up in myself too much and indulge in too much self pity
and learning from you I will stand tall and walk in your footsteps.
I love you dearly.... my dear friends
You allow me to be me and i love that about you.
There are no expectations in that there is so much freedom.
There are no apologies needed or wanted. Its just ok
I feel your helping hand, even when your miles away.
I hear your voice offering support even though I don't always know what you sound like.
You are faithful and honest and loyal.
You have unwavering dedication and I am so proud of that.
Sometimes it is a hard job with little reward and you brush it off and take it in your stride,
You make me feel light on the heaviest of days, You make me laugh through the endless tears
You crack me up with your wit and sarcasm.
You are strong, confidant, defiant through adversity, loving and caring and independant.
All that you are somehow rubs off on me and I am so blessed for that.
I get wrapped up in myself too much and indulge in too much self pity
and learning from you I will stand tall and walk in your footsteps.
I love you dearly.... my dear friends
jump in puddles and splash in the rain,
I go out with my slippers and jammies on.
I cry at sad movies and hide at scarey ones.
I laugh and giggle til my tummy hurts.
I dance til i'm outta breath
I sing loud and off key
I feel lots and I love even more
I don't want to be perfect Im changing,
evolving,
struggling to be something beautiful in my own eyes.
I go out with my slippers and jammies on.
I cry at sad movies and hide at scarey ones.
I laugh and giggle til my tummy hurts.
I dance til i'm outta breath
I sing loud and off key
I feel lots and I love even more
I don't want to be perfect Im changing,
evolving,
struggling to be something beautiful in my own eyes.
The humming is overwhelming,
I can hear children laughing,
I sit
still in the darkness, waiting for that moment,
I remember giggling and singing,
crying with laughter
tears pouring down my cheek as you went away.
All the butterflies in my tummy dance
My heart skips a beat as I think about your touch
so soft so gentle.
Its everlasting. Its mine..... its ok
I can hear children laughing,
I sit
still in the darkness, waiting for that moment,
I remember giggling and singing,
crying with laughter
tears pouring down my cheek as you went away.
All the butterflies in my tummy dance
My heart skips a beat as I think about your touch
so soft so gentle.
Its everlasting. Its mine..... its ok
so much change in so little time
A whirlwind while I stand still
life is pushing me into a place im scared to go
frightened, anxious afraid
I feel alone even around people i know
I feel empty a piece of my heart is missing.
how long does it take to soften...the pain
how long before my heart can smile again.
I miss you in every breathe i take
everytime I blink and with every beat of my heart.
how do I become whole again
A whirlwind while I stand still
life is pushing me into a place im scared to go
frightened, anxious afraid
I feel alone even around people i know
I feel empty a piece of my heart is missing.
how long does it take to soften...the pain
how long before my heart can smile again.
I miss you in every breathe i take
everytime I blink and with every beat of my heart.
how do I become whole again
you cuddled me when I was feeling blue,
I loved the way you joked with me.
You taughed me how to bait a hook, and even let me bring the live brim home.
You taught me that men were safe to jump on and crawl all over.
lying in your lap when I was young smelling you pipe smoke and tooheys beer breath
was one of my difining moments as a child.
I embraced what it was to be a grand child and I am so excited to know you are mine, Forever eternity,
no matter where we are. I know you are proud of me, you care uncondionally and you believe in me as a person,
a mum. a grandaughter and a wife.
I loved to hear you say poofta bastard when something went wrong, even when we didnt know what it meant,
I loved watching the houses you built, even though someone else lived in them it was your heart and hands that
made it a home.
I am a very proud grand daughter and I will continue to do what you asked of me poppa, with pride and dignity.
In the way you would handle yourslef.
What I learnt from you can never be lost and I will hand that love and care to my children, who will hand it to theirs.
Tahli jennifer Ella Fay
You are my sunshine
You make me feel alive
your exurbriance for life is exhilarating
your big browns eyes... The window to that old soul of yours
You have been here before.
You are determined and spunky and as sharp as the day is new
You run circles around me with laughter and shock
I want to immerse myself in your cuddles and kisses.
I want to be as strong and self assured as you are when I grow up.
I learn from you. I am so proud of you. You inspire me to laugh,
to sing, to not sing.....
You make me feel adored. You make me want to fight.
You are a spirit that can never be bottled
like a firefly you dart through life with zest and bounce
You have a will...you are a survivor
You are clumsily graceful,
you are beautiful and gorgeous and creative
You make me feel reborn
You simply are a breath of fresh air
You are my amazing daughter
Daniel Jarad Cyril Garnish
I dream for you to awaken your spirit and watch you sore
I wish for those big blue eyes to show me anything esle but emptiness
I want for you a world as tipsy topsy as your mind so things make sense.
I give you my heart and understanding, my yearning to see your piece of the puzzle fitting in
I see the love you have for me, and the look of dispair when I need to leave.
No one sees the tears in the car the gut wrenching pain that I cant wave a wand and make everything right.
you are my baby. you were my sole reason for living, The laughter, the happiness is now overshadowed in hurt and misunderstanding,
Its not your fault and its not who you you are. You are the light in my life, the wind in the trees, the stars in the dark. You are everything that comfortd me
I just wish something could comfort you
Poppa
Never in my life did I think I could be so lucky to be put in your loving arms. Since the day I can remember looking up to you made me feel safe and content. Your love made me know that everything was going to be ok. Really I got my greatest gift from you.....My mum.
Poppy, i remember when I was little all of us grand kids would wait for you to come home from work. When you did we were all trained so well and couldn't wait. you would sit in your fave chair and we would take of your smelly shoes and socks, we would get your pipe and the lucky one who got your beer got the first swig!!!! then we would wait around you for you all to give us horsey rides and you did, never showing you were tired from a hard days work...all we heard was your booming laugh as we squealed in delight.
You always made me feel like I was 10 feet tall and that I was the best and brightest, you made us all feel that way.
I'll never forget the day you saw my children and the instant connection you had with them and your comment that I made an excellent incubator!!! I was so proud that you were proud of me.
No one ever though we would see you feeding a baby but you did and you took danny for a walk around town beach before he was old enough to ever touch the sand and tahli already has you in her top 3 favorites and im not even there yet.
You have lived your life proud and with dignity. you have the respect and adoration of all the people who touch your life.
I am so deeply honoured to call you my pop and so overwhelmingly proud of how you have achieved all you have through fight, determination and adversity. Soon there will be one more great shinning star in the sky as you take your place looking at us from a distance but touching our hearts forever.
When its time to go poppa don't fight it as we will shed a tear you will be free from pain and smiling down on us from that big caravan park in the sky.
i love you!!!!!!
(little did I know that poppa was to pass only months late after 16 years fighting 4 different kinds of cancer.......My inspiration, my hero)
New Poems as of the 9th of February 2011
Hope
its something that you cling to
when you think all is lost,
It is something that you dream about
no matter what the cost.
It is something that you grab with both hands
even if at the time you don't quite understand
the risk you may need to take
the step forward with fear of mistake
If there is no hope,
there is only regret
Could I of...
should I of...
What if...
Taking that first step
leaping and feeling safe
knowing you can hit a speed bump,
get up dust your self of
and keep striving towards
your hopes.....
Just breath
It comes so natural
yet we don't do it enough
it takes our mind to a peaceful place
it gives our soul rest
It makes our heart beat slow and deep
the world runs at such a fast pace
it throws me around with it
all I need to do is just breath
slowly from the depths of my tummy
long filling my lungs with the sunshine
secreting my body with the gentle air of the day
just breath...deep
sit in the stillness
think of nothing
but the wonderful fulfillment in your bodyjust breath....
