well I kinda already knew but today was a light bulb moment. I have a fear of the unknown. I know I am not pregnant I am serene, I am at ease and I am not even sure if I am going to try again this cycle.
I know Dan is now staying at Autism QLD and I feel at ease and serene like something just wafted over my whole body.
I spent so long fixing the budget last night to make sure we would get through that once we were done my head killed me so bad and yes its a squeeze but I just had to know. I had to get it out of my mind right then and there.
I am a control freak so bad and I know that part of that is wanting to control everything around me and that gives me the biggest headache!!!
My counsellor asked me to just praise people this week, for nothing in return, no people pleasing, no desire for anything else but to praise it feels so nice to see the smiles on everyones faces and I am conscious of doing it and seeing the feelings it brings to someone else!!
I still don't know how to not fear tomorrow, I still don't know how to accept that good things can come to me. I mean they have. I have so many blessings around me it's not funny. My thought process is that it could all come crashing down, that it will come crashing down, why........because I am not worthy enough of it all.
I so want to feel worthy of everything I have created thats good in my world and that hasn't been good that I have learnt lessons from. We shall see how I go travelling down that path!!!!
for some reason I think a weight has been lifted of my shoulders.
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