Let me tell you about my hero

My poppa.

I had an extremely difficult childhood. (see my story in the links to the right) 

My poppa is the only person in this whole wide world who has let me just be me. Who loved me unconditionally from the start, who made me feel laughter and joy, safe and calm, who would give me horsey rides and let me sneak a swig of his beer. 

I remember how he would rub his stubble on my cheeks and snicker cheekily in my ear.....All of us grand kids couldn't wait for him to get home of an afternoon.

He was a builder. In the Days it was a craft to build a house with just your hands. He lived out west and was away alot of the time and always worked in the sun.

When I was 14 Poppa was first diagnosed with Cancer.....He had skin cancers removed from his face and neck and needed radiation....This happened over many years causing extreme pain...the radiation would cause is oesophagus to burn. It was hell...He had many skin grafts as well.

Just before I fell pregnant he told the family he was done. He could not go through any more operations or radiations. We all understood. 

Nan and pop were parental figures to my brother and I, my aunt had passed when I was 9 months old so I became something for them to hold on too....I know I hold a special place in their hearts. 

when Dan was born I was a single mum and I asked my nan and pop if I could give Dan their last name. Pop and my Great uncle had all had girls and the Garnish name was to stop. Poppa was so proud.

when Dan was 3 months old poppas cancer came back.....Straight away he said do what you need to do.....I have something I really need to live for.

Pop and Dan were 2 peas in a pod. Dan looks so much like him in the way he locks his knees when he stands to the colour of his eyes.

We went back to see pop when Dan was 4 months old to be there for pops operation. He took Dan walking on his own (no one had ever seen poppa push a pram) he fed Danny bottles and the connection was so close.

In 2008 Pop was having bowel troubles but at the same time a nasty skin cancer came up. He went to Sydney to have that removed before a colonoscopy that 6 weeks later changed our lives.

He had Bowel cancer. I took time off work and we went home for his surgery......On our way down, mum rang and said they successfully removed the bowel cancer...for an instant I was relieved until she said it had already spread to his liver.......in August 2008.

I went back to visit them with my kids for chrissy in 2008

Pop was fighting it the best way he could and even started doing experimental therapy to help........Around the 25th of May 2009 Mum received the call to head home. It took us 24 hours opposed to 7 because of the floods. We arrived on Tuesday the 26th of May. Poppa was in bed and only able to just get up.....

I spent time lying with him, chatting with him, laughing with him......

On the Wednesday the 27th of May palliative care arrived to talk to my nan, mum and Aunts.....they asked me to stay with pop. those 2 hours are irreplaceable. I told him I would look after his babies, nanny and mum. I told him I would keep losing weight. I told him how proud I was to be his Grand Daughter and I told him how much I love and appreciate him...the whole time holding his frail, wrinkled, beautiful hand.....the last thing he said to me lucidly was when I said I love you my poppa....and he said I love you to darlin...those words were the last he said to anyone before he started hallucinating and fell into a deep sleep. I was given the honour and privilege of caring for him for the next 24 hours. I worked in Disability, mental health, aged and palliative care all my life......I felt so honoured......We rang my dad and told him to bring my brother, Darryl, Dan and Tahli as quick as possible......at 8.20pm on the 28th of May my brother Arrived......I said run upstairs, nan let him lay beside poppa. He said Poppa I love you, gave him a kiss....Said that Dan, Tahli, Darryl and Dad were safe in the house. HE came back down stairs, my pop took three deep breaths and passed peacefully away knowing his babies were safe in the house.....

At 9.14pm on the 28th of May I lost my rock, my hero, my safe place, my soft place, my love, my hero.....

I am so so so blessed to have known such an amazing man, without him. I would not be here now.....

we don't say goodbye 
we say see you soon. 
You are both resting, peacefully watching over your family. 
love transends time. I can almost feel your touch gently on my shoulders. 
I miss you more than I ever thought was possible. 
You both took a piece of my heart when you left and now how do I fill that empty void. 
I hear you saying god love ya. I want to feel your arms around me so much it hurts. 
Standing on pedastals since the day I was born. I adore you both. 
Life is not the same without you in it. The sun isnt shinning as fierce, the breath of the air doesnt feel 
as comforting as it once did. 
You both taught me so much. I will honour those teachings in the way I bring up your great grand babies. Neither one of you were ready to leave but both of you needed to be together. 
As a single tear falls down my face, I need the world to stand still while I catch my breath and know the reality you are both gone, never forgotten, always much adored, forever in my heart.